Me and my twinny talked about my dad

But for a year and half I have stopped talking online. I am afraid of falling in love with foreign guy and involving fitna. So yep I can say I am sober for a long time now but I cannot just like this forever.. I need a companion and away from my abusive dad.

I get you but online is an ugly world.. you never know who has what sort of intentions.. firstly you talking to those boys was wrong, which you know, and may Allah forgive us all..

They didn't even see you, you know, and who knows, it could be a lie, and what if, they change their opinion (not saying that you're not pretty or anything, but you know, like how boys have "type" for girls)

Secondly, they told you that you're pretty and all that.. and yes, beauty doesn't come from physical looks, beauty is what is in the behaviour, personality and character.. and like I tell you, you really are beautiful..

But you see, attraction is different, that is something physical and external.. and whoever will be your husband has to be attracted to you, and has to look at you, before marrying, and you'll do the same, in a halal way of course..

This self esteem thing, that's really really tough to go through.. I totally understand you, because I'm in the same condition..

It does feel many times that we're just not beautiful enough, and all that, so I totally get you saying that you need acceptance.. that's valid..

 

But you know, this again is a major fitna and weakness, because the moment someone says, especially the opposite gender, that 'oh you're so pretty and beautiful'.. it might feel like the best words and the best thing ever.. but who knows the intention of that person. It's easy to fall like this.. but don't let this happen..

Just know in yourself, that You. Are. Beautiful. You just are.. Allah has created you absolutely perfect, and nobody has the right to shame you.. if they do, they're actually mocking Allah, astaghfirullah, because it is He who has created you..

I know it's easy to say than to do.. but you have to say to yourself that you're beautiful, and absolutely how Allah wanted you to be, everyday

Once you do get your self esteem strong.. In Sha Allah, it'll be easier... The process will be long and tough, and it will be a struggle, but it will all be worth it..♥️ You. Absolutely. Are. Beautiful.

This might be your struggle, and your test ukhti.. how much can you contain yourself, and not fall into fitna, and may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, reward you immensely for the smallest effort you take in this, for staying away from fitna..

How about you talking to your mom about this? Tell her that you fear falling into fitna, and you don't want to ruin your akhirah.. and tell her that you have slipped in the past, and you don't want to again.. and maybe have a proper honest conversation with her on this..

When I was on 3rd semester a pious foreign man used to proposed me. He was studying in Madina Uni. I thought at that time he was the one and I tried to brave to talk to my mom about "marriage in young age even I don't tell her yet where he is from or it will be more worst" but it ended up bad.. even I am afraid to come home. She is really disappointed. I don't think even now she will understand me. I have been trying to not meeting any potential suitor online or offline. Cuz I won't my mom get disappointed. She works hard to see me become a success not a house wife. She doesn't want me to be like her, she said so. Cuz she is married the wrong and worst man in very young age. She is afraid I will experience the same

She is married at the age of 19. And I was 19 when I asked her permission to allow me to marry. For 2 years I am afraid to even start talking about marriage or it will be disappointing her

I forbade myself from knowing any men into my life. I don't have male numbers. But yup I had feelings to A and J before.

But I know I won't marry indonesian man

Uh oh :'(

That's a sad story.. and also sad how your mom doesn't want you to be a housewife, but you want to be a housewife..

I really pray that Allah eases your situation

It is complex, yeah?

I understand your mom's point of view, she is looking out for you and doesn't want you to get hurt.. but then again, you are reallyyyy wanting to get married..

 

So basically it means, you can't do anything except make lots of duas and wait?

I'm so sorry you have to go through so much internal struggles, I wish I really knew somebody whom I could recommend to you..

But I pray that Allah rewards you and eases your struggle, and make your mom open towards you marrying young and to a non-Indonesian

I know it's super hard and all but if you see it has good sides too.. this wait is making you aware of yourself and your feelings.. those guys aren't for you, and that's why it never happened.. who knows, those guys may be really bad in real life, and Allah saved you..

 

Yes we struggle and we should search, but in the end it's all written you know.. and it's all in His care.. difficult, yes, but sabr and tawakkul is all that can be done, for now

17:52

Believe me I am not always be like this "freaking out and wanna get married period and thinking that my mom is the meanest in this case." XD No No. Of course not. I think I am just being too emotional about what happened. This week my dad annoyed me 3 times and made me call my mom from her workplace telling her what my dad did to me and cried over to her. And she would end our call cuz it disturbs her work, I know, then she would type "you know your dad, and please be patience" she totally wants me to have PhD in patience. XD But I know who suffers most is her. I know she doesn't divorce my dad because of us, her kids, but she doesn't know that it makes everything worse. I cannot understand her patience standard... does not make sense to me cuz I extremely use human sense. I tried to not tell you about this but I did.

I told my mom for the last time I know what my complaint will hurt her as well but I wanna let her know. "He is my dad, that's why I cannot tolerate the way he treats me if it was someone else. I don't care cuz I don't meet them like every day. But it is my dad who is supposed to protect me as his daughter and give us money"

 

My dad is a jobless and an alcoholic. He asks my mom for money and he asks me for money. It's a painful story I don't tell people. I feel like I cannot be in this house anymore. I have told my mom. I feel like I need protection. Someone who protects me and takes me away. I do wanna get married but this makes me want to go.

Allahu Akbar, I'm so so sorry about this.. it's huge.. I'm heartbroken, and my heart weeps for you💔

Subhanallah, I hope I was right there with you, being there for you, when you go through tough times, and hug you tight😢♥️

May Allah تعالى ease your situation, and grant you sabr and immense immense rewards for the patience that you're showing and that your mom is showing.. may Allah grant her immense rewards. And may Allah guide your father

I can't even imagine, what it must be like to be in your situation :(

Just reading a small thing, makes me so sad..

Thank you for sharing though.. I know it's so tough talking about these sensitive things, but I really really appreciate you telling me such a difficult thing..

Please feel free to tell whatever you want.. please make your heart light, dearest ukhti ♥️

I understand now.. why you're so wanting to get married.. we're all humans, and especially as girls we look up to our fathers.. as protection and as someone who will take care of us.. and it's heartbreaking if we don't get that sort of love.. I understand why you're seeking comfort in a companion.. I pray that Allah grants you a righteous spouse soon..

And your mom.. may Allah bless her.. she's amazing! Teaches you patience yeah? Like you said, get yourself a PhD from your mom in patience ;)

I love you for the sake of Allah, dearest ukhti! ♥️

Ameen. Jazakillah khairan sister. I hope I don't always share uncomfortable stories with you. I hope I can cheer you up the way you did to me.

If someone knows who I really am, they will put dirt on me. I know my dad is bad father but I treat him worthless. He used to tell me indirect way that 'you read quran everytime, you respect quran well, but when it comes to me, you have no respect'

 

But wallahi I cannot respect him. He treats me badly. How come I can treat him well? I don't understand his mind.

 

And if later on I am about to marry I will tell my potential suitor that I am from dysfunction family and I am not a girl who was raised well mentally and Islamically if he is afraid it is gonna affect our marriage life, then I will suggest him to don't marry me.. cuz I just wanna be honest in marriage and not hide everything. Cuz I realized that I copied my dad's behavior unintentionally. When I was arguing with my uncle you know, I realized I kicked stuff around and shouted aloud as if I were copying my dad. It's on me. Inside me.

20:12

 

I think we're all guilty of doing that.. and honestly, it's not the right thing to do..

I know it's difficult and your father doesn't treat you right, you just have to deal with him with respect.. he's your dad afterall.. I totally understand that it is not easy and he treats you and your family badly, but in the end he's your parent.. and as Muslims, we just have to have good manners towards our parents, no matter how tough it is..

 

Think of it this way, maybe?

You know right, that Allah tests all of us, in different ways, and the ones who are tested the most and are successful in every test, are the ones whom Allah loves the most..

So think of it like this, among other tests, this one - your father not being nice - as your major test..

And all of us want to be successful in our tests right? So even if it's tough, and difficult and annoying, just bear with it, be on your best behaviour and make dua, until you can do something better

Who knows, probably your dad seeing you being on your best behaviour with him, might change him.. even if it doesn't, imagine the rewards in the akhirah that you'll get, In Sha Allah, because of being gentle with him, even though it was difficult..

 

Because however they may be, parents have a hugeeeee right in Islam.. and even if they're the worst people, as their children, we can't be bad towards them.. there are many instances where it is shown that we have to be good to our parents like the story of Musa alaihis salaam.. the pharaoh was kind of like his father figure, Musa alaihis salaam was told to be gentle with the pharaoh while preaching him..

If that is the command of how to deal with the most tyrant person ever lived on earth, how can we not try to be nice to our parents, no matter how worse

 

I know it will be very very very tough ukhti.. but try? Small step maybe? Just do it for the sake of Allah alone.. not for anyone else.. He'll reward you

As children, we take characteristics from our parents..

It's okay if you have done it, Allah has still given you time, ya ukhti, repent and tryyyy, just small steps, try to better yourself..

I'm saying this, being guilty of these things, I'm no superior to you.. but i wouldn't want you to be this way, you see...

 

Also, you wouldn't want your children to be that way, right? So you have to correct yourself first.. because like you know, children copy their parents

 

And the marriage decision that you've thought of, I agree to it.. I do think that you should be open about it, Nd let your potential spouse know

It is difficult, but I know you'll do good, by the will of Allah, if you try..

Just have the correct intention, repent and make duaa to Allah to give you the strength.. and In Sha Allah, Allah will help you♥️

Membalas Anda

No way! Cheese with chocolate?

I've never heard of this combination before XD

 

Tastes good, does it?

SubhanAllah Allah gives prophets as an example... I just realized it. I know you have been trying to talk about it carefully so I won't get offended but wallahi his words are painful he always talks to people without thinking it first. I used to try, sister, I used to try. But he put me down when he was just watching TV and did nothing as always, I looked at him and deep down I knew I should start respecting him.. then he looked at me and annoyed me by saying 'go to kitchen help your mom. do something!' I was like really really few minutes ago I just tried to respect him but he just said that.. really.. he shouted to me to do something while he was just on sofa watching TV until he fell asleep just every day like that.. really??

I do respect your advice sister but it will work if it's another 'father'. It's really good advice I love being reminded. I appreciate it so much. I am happy you think of me and care about me.