My Thoughts on Marriage

1. I have a dream to do what I've heard from Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan, the wives read the lists of husband's rights upon her while the husbands read the rights of wives' rights. Instead of busy with deebating or arguing, it's better for both of them to learn pleasing each other by fulfilling their spouse's rights in marriage.

Funny occasion he mentioned when giving a lecture about the rights of husband and wife, he intentionally gave 2 different papers which are the list of rights of husband and another paper is about the list of rights of wife. He gave those two paper to the audience. Husbands would receive "list of wife's right" and vice versa. At the end of the gathering, some men came forward and asked him a paper of 'husband's rights lists'. Giggling, he said 'noo, I won't give it to you cuz I don't want y'all to say ti your wives look, you missed something here while pointing on the paper."

I found it so funny. 

2. I learnt that marriage is not a joke, I heard it from IERA Podcast. I believe it will be challenging. Arguing is inevitably happened. Disagreement, jealousy, and list goes on. But I have to believe that it is normal. Two people who had been raised in two different upbringing, culture, maybe coutries. So it is normal. But again, it will be not normal if we keep letting ourselves hearing waswas from Syaitan.

3. I learnt from IERA Podcast, Musa said the first thing to prepare ourselves for marriage is of course seeking knowledge especially the deen. Cuz it will make us wiser and if we make the prophet as our example in marriage, it will be perfect. BUT thing that need to be highlighted is "try to find yourself", personally I think it is needed cuz we do need to be emotionally and mentally ready to get married. So by finding ourselves, we will understand what we like, what we hate, what we tolerate, what things that irritate us, what type of person we are, and whatnot (That's why I decide to make a separated article about it "finding myself thingy")

4. I remembered about a story. It's a profound marriage story I heard from a lecture I forgot who was the speaker. There was a married couple who have been married for years. They were on a ship to go to a certain land. But Biidznillah the ship was sank. The husband of course do anything to protect his wife and himself. He instructed her to escape but she was busy looking for her scarf. Seeing that, he shout panickedly "we are about to sink and you still look for your hijab?!!"

"What if I die without hijab??" She replied.

After wearing hijab, she followed her husband run to the peak of the ship. At the ship's deck, they were holding tight to each other. The husband was panickedly waiting for the rescue come to them and shouting "help! Help!" while the wife remained silent and  looked at her husband, started asking. "Are you pleased with me?"

"What are you talking about?!! Help! We need help!!" He kept shouting.

His wife repeatedly asking the same question until made the husband confused and realized there was something wrong there. "Yes I am pleased with you." 

After that, as if it was the only key words she wanted to hear before her life to be taken, she passed away on her husband's arms. This is sooo emotional. This is even greater than Titanic for me. 

All I can conclude is that in marriage what we really look for is a blessing and all we need to do is that to please our spouse.

5. "Don't love someone who doesn't love Allah, if they can leave Allah they can leave you." -Imam As Syafi'i

I give an add: If he is someone who fulfil the rights of his Unseen God, how come he unfulfils the right of his wife whose rights is responsibilities upon his shoulder since the nikah agreement.

6. The Prophet Muhammad (s) 

said: “Every one of your (people) is responsible, and everyone is responsible for 

whatever falls under his responsibility. A man is like a shepherd of his own family, and 

he is responsible for them” (Bukhari and Muslim).

The Prophet (s) 

said: “Allah (SWT) will ask every caretaker about the people under his care, and the 

man will be asked about the people of his household” (Nasa’i, Abu Da’ud)

“It is not lawful for anyone to prostrate to anyone. But if I would have ordered 

any person to prostrate to another, I would have commanded wives to prostrate 

to their husbands because of the enormity of the rights of husbands to their 

wives.”

This Hadith is narrated in a variety of forms by Abu Dawud, al-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, 

Ahmad ibn Hanbal in his Musnad, al Nisa’i and Ibn Hibban

How important this is. Need to be noted for me.

List goes on, I am gonna learn more InsyAllah and adding more here.